My Virtual Reading Room

IS THERE AN OCULIST IN THE HOUSE?

How often I would that I were one of those homely philosophical old codgers
Like, say, Mr. Dooley or Will Rogers,
Because I could then homelily call people's attention to the fact that we didn't see eye to eye with the Italians so we had a war with them,
after which, to put it succinkly
We and the Italians became as close as Goodson and Todman or Huntley and Brinkley,
And we didn't see eye to eye with the Germans and we had to either fight or bootlick,
So we fought, and now everything between us and the Germans is gemutlich,
And the Japanese didn't see eye to eye with us, so they fought us the soonest,
And today we and the Japanese are of companions the boonest.
Now at the daily boasts of  "My retaliation can lick your retaliation" I am with apprehension stricken,
As one who watches two adolescent hot-rodders careening headlong toward each other, each determined to die rather than chicken.
Once again there is someone we don't see eye to eye with, and maybe I couldn't be dafter,
But I keep wondering if this time we couldn't settle our differences before a war instead of after.

(Ogden Nash)