This journal is mostly public because most of it contains poetry, quotations, pictures, jokes, videos, and news (medical and otherwise). If you like what you see, you are welcome to drop by, anytime. I update frequently.

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What the well-read patient is talking about

med_cat: (cat in dress)
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Look, Ma, what I got!
            ~~~~~~

The more I leaf through the dictionary in my physician's waiting room the more my ego grows;
I feel rather like the man who was delighted to find that all his life he had been speaking prose,
Because I discover that my modest minor ailments,
Why, when expressed in scientific terminology, they are major physical derailments.

What I thought were merely little old mumps and measles turn out to have been parotitis and rubella,
And chicken pox, that's for the birds, have I told you about my impressive varicella?
I apologize for my past solecisms, which were heinous,
Never again shall I mention flat feet or bunions when referring to the hallus valgus or my pes planus.

It projects me into a state of hypnosis
To reflect that a watched pot never boils, it furunculosis.
Once my internal rumblings at parties caused me to wish I could shrink to nothing, or at least a pygmy,
But now I proudly inquire, Can everybody hear my borborygmi?

My one ambition is to become as rich as Croesus.
So that instead of this bourgeois backache I can afford some spondylolisthesis,
Although then I suppose I would look back on my impecunious days with acute nostalgia
Because my headaches would also have progressed from rags to riches, or from Horatio Alger to cephalalgia.

I have certainly increased my learning by more than a smidgin,
Now I know that that specifically projecting Hollywood starlet is not a squab, she's a steatopigeon.
Indeed, I know so much that it would be truly tragic were I to be afflicted with aphasia,
And if you can't swallow that statement it is my diagnosis that you are suffering from achalasia.

(Ogden Nash)

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