My Virtual Reading Room

The funniest things you've heard tube drivers say, from Londonist
(check out the comments, too)

Two samples:

“Ladies and gentleman, upon departing the train, may I remind you to take your rubbish with you. Despite the fact that you are in something that is metal, fairly round, filthy and smells, this is a tube train for public transport and not a bin on wheels.”

“There’s a dog on the line ahead. They’ve sent a manager to rescue it. That’s not going to help. [10 minutes later] The dog is now at Plaistow. So it’s making better time than us.”