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This is the R, Risk Tolerance
This is the most controversial and difficult place to navigate as we reduce social distancing and open society back up. We each have our own personal tolerance for illness, disease and death. It is imperative that we understand this in order to take into account everyone else in our container and community at large. This is why physical distancing is called for right now. It is the most effective means to reduce the spread of this virus. Yet, I cannot foresee a world where we no longer go to church, get our hair cut or see our friends and lovers. Humans are social creatures and connection to others is fundamental to life itself. Forsaking joy, love, pleasure and others for the period of time until herd immunity is reached, will cause inordinate suffering.

Why consider risk tolerance and not just risks themselves?
Risk tolerance can dictate the behaviors we impart unconsciously to others. Risk tolerance is subjective and easily justified. We each form our risk tolerance based on our perceived personal and societal risks and benefits. We assume that everyone is on the same page (ours) or should be. We get angry and feel betrayed if they are not. Low or high risk tolerance does not make one better or worse, but with COVID-19, the need to be clear and conscious with one’s choices are imperative.

I use a backpack as a metaphor to explain the concept of risk tolerance: the more equipment (risks) you carry, the slower you move (lower tolerance), but the more likely you are to survive if you get lost in the woods (get infected). The less you carry , the faster you move (high tolerance) but the more likely you will be in need if you get lost.

People living in a high rise building in New York City will have a different risk tolerance than people in a farm community in rural Oregon. The more someone is at risk of disease and death due to where they live, their health, pre-existing conditions, economic status, race, or age, the lower their risk tolerance. Others feel that they have less to lose if they get sick, and are willing to take on more risks. One cannot know everyone’s level of vulnerability who we come in contact with. Essential workers and those they care for have died due to other’s inadvertent exposure.
Your personal risk tolerance is yours alone and cannot be imposed on anyone else without their clear verbal understanding and agreement. As risk tolerance increases, so does the potential harm to others. You are responsible for protecting others from yourself, otherwise that is a consent and boundary violation.
Understanding risk tolerance and being responsible for your choices is critical to our ability to open up our society as safely as possible.

As we open up our social containers to others, decreasing physical distance, not only risk tolerance should be clearly discussed but so should individual risk factors of all members. The person with the lowest risk tolerance and highest risk, must set the bar, without guilt or manipulation. If there are inconsistencies with this, then etiquette needs to be discussed and agreements made

We must recognize that our needs are different and shaming others is as toxic as not obtaining other's consent when you wish to decrease distance, including strangers.