My Virtual Reading Room

...Not so funny anymore, after the last couple of years, but...perhaps you might like it nonetheless...

The song starts at 5:30


Translation of lyrics:

A photographer tells his story on the commuter train:

All my buddies have money and honors,
Some are serving in the police, some in the mafia,
And me, I was sitting in the studio and looking through the camera lens,
'Cause I'd loved photography ever since my childhood.

I took passport photos and driver's license photos,
And did formal portraits.
I can say without bragging--I'd achieved mastery,
But people started noticing something was off.

Everything that isn't obvious right away,
Everything that's concealed inside,
Suddenly becomes obvious, just as it is, in the photograph,
And of course clients are offended,
"Why, look here, how this d-- photographer is mocking us!"

Let's say someone looks just like a regular citizen,
But in his photo, it's immediately obvious that he's an s-o-b,
There, an exemplary husband and father came to our studio,
And in his photo, one can see he's a womanizer and a nasty person.

And sometimes, it happened in the opposite way:
Person looks like a bastard,
But in his soul, he's a liberal and a democrat!

In short, for my talent and my mastery,
I was fired for "demonic possession".
I remember, at that time, I had a wonderful dream--
Cartier Bresson called me a colleague!


Well, one has to live somehow, doesn't one?
I have a family--and they say, "aren't you a breadwinner, Father?"
So I managed to get a photojournalist job at a newspaper,
And the very first day, I received this assignment:

My boss is entrusting me with doing a photo report
Of the governor receiving a medal,
Well, that's a real piece of cake to me,
I aimed my camera: snap-and-snap,
Snapped all the photos, sent them to the editor.

And the next day, all kinds of nonsense started up--
Two cops picked me up and drove me to the Committee--
And the Committee told me, "Well, you are casting aspersions on the sacred fence
And it was all assigned to you by the U.S. State Department!"

"In your photo," the Major said to me,
"The governor looks like a bribe-taker and a thief,
Which, to speak frankly, is true,
But it's _you_ we'll throw in prison, for slander!"

My head would've rolled, for sure,
But all this news then reached Moscow.
And in Moscow, there's very important men, ooh, how important,
And they said, "Send him over here!"

While I was on the plane,
I had a dream of Avedon,
Who said, "You, my colleague,
Are a right idiot!"

And in Moscow, Someone at the top,
I shan't say who,
Said to me, "You are needed to serve your country.
Take photos for me of the people I will point out to you,"
And I looked at him--seemed like he meant it.

Well then, if I'm needed, then all right,
Besides, it's extra income--
A thousand rubles for each photo, says he.
During the course of a month,
I took photos of about 800 people,
All important-looking, imposing gentlemen.

Well, I'm carrying the photos to him, with my knees trembling,
And as soon as he glanced at the photos, he started swearing,
"And these are the people I'm working with?! Damn and blast!
Brown-nosers, bribe-takers, traitors!"

And when he looked at his own photo,
He shook all over and his face went a bit grey,
He said, "Of course I'll lock all of this stuff up in the safe,
But you--you are more dangerous than any CIA!"

"Oh, it's true, isn't it, what a folk saying tells us--
The truth pricks one's eyes," he said,
"Well then, I'm glad--
I'm not against the truth, I've always been in favor of it"...

...And with his Parker pen, he pricked out my eyes.

...So, give a bit of money, if you can, gentlemen,
To a man disabled by photographic work!...